How do we best save the earth? By heroically decimating humanity, of course. From The Onion, that last bastion of parodic commentary so true it hurts, perpetually raising the bar in fearless journalistic pursuit of answers:
According to a press release from Philip Morris, the new environmentally friendly cigarettes work by employing powerful carcinogens that accumulate in the lungs of smokers, slowly breaking down their vital organs and eliminating the danger posed to the overpopulated planet by the human race.
I’m a longtime smoker, so I couldn’t agree more. Imagine if all the BP execs and government regulators responsible for the current environmental disaster in the Gulf of Mexico had only eradicated themselves decades ago; we’d have a cleaner, healthier planet, today.